Friday, 18 April 2008
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When the end comes, and it will, Jesus already won.
Sigh, That will be good.
My mind is transfixed on the law that is written on my heart.
God is teaching me to love him and love other people and i cant turn back now.
I am moving forward towards that destiny God has set for me. I have dreams and i never want to give up on them. God placed them on my heart and i want to step out into those dreams. Its important not to give up on my dreams, not one of them. When i make the decision to follow Gods will and his dreams for my life i am lining myself up with the dreams that he placed on my heart.
God has put it on my heart to pray a lot lately. In everything i do and for all sorts of people. And the prayers are specific and focused towards the advancment of Gods kingdom.
Its pretty cool.
I have a lot to give out right now.
God please keep feeding me.
Thursday, 27 March 2008
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4,000... Your Kingdom Come... on earth as it is in heaven
Monday’s LA Times had the picture a service member on his knees by some candles in Iraq. 4,000 deaths now. My God, we need your kingdom. Jesus speaks of Gods kingdom in Mathew so much. I want to learn to re-talk politics and re-talk sensitive issues like war. I cant just not talk about these things because I am disgusted with George Bush and company, and disgusted with wars. Jesus is my president, I serve him, and I live above all the laws of man. There is a better way, something better then passivism and something better then violence. There is Gods kingdom.
4,000 is sad
I’m sure that war in Iraq is actually one of the safest places for some people though. (thinking of the many more people that die simply from starvation)
Can we do more? I believe we can. I believe we are one of the wealthiest nations on the globe. I’m sure the Texan’s and IRA members and the ‘W’ supporters would say we need to defend that, “rah rah!” Using force of aggression and violence will instill fear into our enemies, not fear of God, fear of tanks and white people, fear of the west, and anger. Violence only brings more violence, I think we learn that when we are five or something, but then we get smarter a guess. Is it our job to go and defend the meek from the wicked who kill them off like dogs? No! We have a responsibility to those people, not to think we are going to rescue anyone by killing more, that will only bring violence upon others down the road, our responsibility is to join them in their suffering.
‘Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
‘Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.
‘Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth.
‘Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.
‘Blessed are the merciful, for they will receive mercy.
‘Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.
‘Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.
‘Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
‘Blessed are you when people revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account. Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.
We don’t have the responsibility of saying oh don’t fight back at all. Fighting though does not need to be violent and it should not be. By joining these people we take part in the blessing that the true king rewards and we do not take part in the violent reaction of earthly kings and people who live and die by the sword.
Friday, 21 March 2008
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Come as you are, as you were, as i want you to be... - Kurt Cobain
Well' it seems to me that im going to be on this base for a while.
It bothers me a little because i have had so many dreams and lots of vision for the future outside of ywam in the local church in urban areas.
Our cities need community. The kind of community that models Christ and the early church, caring for each others needs and looking for ordinary and creative ways to help the poor, the physically poor and those poor in spirit. This kind of community is a bit rare because it goes against a lot of what people are all about in today's society and even in church. That's why church, and Christianity, needs to both be redefined, re-found, and rebuilt.
I am thinking about this stuff today because i was just filling out the application for staying here on staff for about a year in order to be stretched in the area of leadership, and public speaking, and to gain confidence in these areas with a foundation of scriptural truth and understanding of God and his character and his relationship to humankind throughout history and now before i head off into the things God is placing on my heart. Such as building community in urban city areas where there can be effective personal relationships. Being able to enter places, breaking down walls of an old system called church, a system that got lost and needs to be rebuilt on the foundations of love, honesty, and sacrificial care for the poor. To be able to reach out the diverse rang of people from all different backgrounds. Gods gift of redemption is not reserved for any one type of person for any certain race, and those with tainted backgrounds are free to come and take part of this redemption. No one is left out, come as you are.
This is all my heart, things that i could go on for days and books about but it all means so little to me until i can get out and begin seeing them happen, doing what i feel needs to happen, and being transformed by the act of it all.
I have to continue with ywam for a while though, i need to finish this school. I truly see the value in this school, the heart of the people around me and the reward of being a part of this school as a student and then as staff.
Thursday, 20 March 2008
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Writing for weeks now... its been a while
Well, the last couple weeks have been very nice.
Stressful in some ways but really good and healthy. That's what i was shooting for, healthy.
I've been on break all week and today i went to some Japanese gardens in Pasadena. Yesterday i just relaxed and we went to Santa Monica beach and went biking. Its been a nice break but i feel like there is so much more of the bible i need. It's like a drug, i good one, i cant get enough of it and at the same time I'm getting more of it then i ever have before or ever really wanted before. I'm ready a believe to get started with the New Testament.
I'm moving forward with my life and a feel really good about it. I'm going to be out here finishing SBS and heading to China for outreach and then getting back i will begin staffing the SBS. I'm really looking forward to it all because i know it will be very stretching for me and i will grow a lot. I dont know what the future holds for me but i'm excited and moving forward into to it all.
I know this is all very lame. More interesting stuff coming soon... i promise.
Friday, 07 March 2008
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I will pray to the gods and to the angels and to anyone who will take me to heaven to a place...
I recall, I was there so long ago...
Well i haven't been praying to the gods or anything else for that matter.
I have been praying a lot.
Destination is set on heaven.
That is not my problem.
My problem like the rest of us is the struggle.
Jacob God named Israel. The One who struggles.
His descendants -that's us, that's me.
I (we) struggle between this physical world and my need for physical things and my need for God.
If i focus on one alone and forget the other I'm just lost.
So i am praying to my God. My often seemingly distant God to come into my physical world.
He does. He has. He comes and enters my physical heart.
Like Jacob and am praying, i am fighting, i am struggling, for the things i want in this physical world.
Through it all i am finding that it is these physical things that i want and i struggle for, but it is also this physical manifestation of God coming into my life through these things, and into my heart. I have asked God to come into my physical world of struggle and he does come, he has come. But i am still so much like this Jacob character.
Wednesday, 05 March 2008
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Sun Burn. Freezer Burn.
My Brain says;
"Jesse your not very healthy
Jesse you need to eat healthier food
Jesse you need to sleep more
Jesse you need to not stress so much
Jesse slow down
Jesse paint something"
My responsibilities say;
Jesse drink this, it gives you wings
Jesse eat this it this and get back to work
Jesse stay up late and work
Jesse you need to do more homework, stop breathing
Jesse hurry get it done
Jesse there is no time for painting
Thursday, 21 February 2008
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I'm going to Mexico tomorrow for the weekend. Right now I'm rushing to get finished with my work so i can go. This week was Ezra and Esther. A very fun week it has been. I really love watching the Godfathers, we've been watching them the last few nights. I really am enjoying my studies, im learning so much and i look forward to staffing the school next year at this time. I feel like i could speak and everything on these books by the end of every week. Its really cool.
I think this week has been really great cause aside from all my studying i have been writing the story of my life basically. Its been very cool. Its going to be a very long story. I've been realizing a lot of stuff about myself and my growing up and just stuff in my brain; its good.
Sunday, 17 February 2008
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Value
You have great value
Beautiful
You are very beautiful, you always have been
Life
Its your gift to live
Radiation
Its what everyone feels when they are near you
Special
There is no one in the world like you, your different, your so very special
Heart
You have a heart, but you don't know how to treat it
Live and Let Live & Let Love In
Just don't give in, don't give up;
Belief
He believes in you
Friday, 15 February 2008
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Its exciting to be used by God. To pray and seek answers and direction from God. To hear a word from God and not have a lot of detail but to just go, you may not have all that some would say you need, education, health, money, possessions, but you prayed and you heard God so you go. The result is usually a really great story of how God came through. Its not about being an obsessive thrill seeking thing, its God speaking and its really quite normal. The reason it is such a radical and crazy thing is people don't do it very much. It is supposed to be a daily, life thing, ordinary, regular. Its not something we do and then come back to all our friends and family with a story its a normal lifestyle that God will call us to.
I think all im trying to say is, I can make a commitment to doing something that i feel is on my heart, something God is calling me to. I have so many dreams and things God has placed on my heart. I can commit myself to doing something that i know will prepare me for the many things that my heart is already drawn to, things that i still dream of, the visions that flood my mind. I am not forgetting all of that by committing to something for a year of more. God uses people who are committed, and i want to be committed solely as a servant to Gods kingdom. My visions and my dreams mean nothing if i am not willing to commit to them. This is the beginning, again. It was then that God began to give him the ability to see the visions and dreams and be able to interpret them.
Life.
Wednesday, 13 February 2008
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I've making a lot of big decisions today. I got my taxes back which is really good cause now i can continue with this school for an other quarter. Its one step at a time. I talked to one of the guys who just finished his dts. His name is Shaun and he loves to skate. He just got back from China where i will be going in July.
It was great to interact with him and see his new passion for God and sharing that passion with others. We were talking together about how people will always follow someone who is passionate. If you are passionate about something and you just plane love it enough people are going to want it too. People want something that is real, and if they see that it is real for you and you really love it they will want it too.
Like Michael Jordan, man he was passionate about the game and boy did the rest of the guys and the people in Chicago follow him. Its the same way if we really have God and its real and we are passionate about it, people will want it. I've been inspired to live with passion today.
I really love my school leader Cliff because he teaches the bible with passion and he loves scripture because he knows and lives like scripture will change peoples lives, yet in a really down to earth way, and just as he is. No show, no style, just being who you are and being passionate about what you believe in. Last Friday Cliff asked me if i would pray about coming to help staff the next CSBS after i finish my school. It was funny the timing of it all because i wasn't planning or even thinking about staffing until last week and then he asked me.
So I've been praying about it and i talked to my Dad today, and Jin Ho my Korean friend who has been studying the bible for a while now and has been to China a lot; i felt really encouraged talking to both of them and i feel really at peace about staying to staff. I talked to Cliff about it more today as well and i made the decision to stay for about a year starting in September of this year.
This is all really exciting, i am looking forward to all that God is going to continue to reveal to me in this school and then coming back to staff as well.
Monday, 11 February 2008
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Just an other brick in the wall;
Wow, I've been sick all day. Tired, weak, dry heaving, headaches, and feverish. I'm feeling considerably better now though. I'm studying now. Didn't go to class today, we have Daniel this week. Hopefully i can be back on the ball tomorrow.
"if you don't eat you meat, you can't have any pudding! If you don't eat your meat, how can you have any pudding?
Sunday, 10 February 2008
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Be my all consuming fire...
Sunday, always nice to be a sunday.
Got a new deck today, so ive been boarding toady.
Went to church.
the past week has been really... well indescribable
God is really doing things different then i thought he would, which is really nothing all that new and at the same time everything it new.
Its the best to walk in obedience.
Tuesday, 05 February 2008
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often i feel a little like this with God. These are the words of an incredible group of guys they call, Death Cab for Cutie. Endless cycles of sin and evil in the world and Gods intervention in all of that, the few bright spots in our lives are almost always blessed little things that he gives. Love he gives us in a moment in time when we can only figure that, well, we feel like something is right. Not always something completely spectacular... only hope amidst the spiraling decay of society, our friends, and our own bodies. That's God, the world is a scary place, just imagine the world without hope for anything better than this world. Some can't think of anything but it...
I saw the scene unfold on a rainy Sunday
Creases indicating folds that kept four walls from caving in
I took a little more of what I take for granted
And filled my plate with fear that gears would turn
And wheels would roll away
Something's got to break you down
Entered the scene (I'm told) on I think it was Monday
You drove straight through and mined that quarry
For all it could bleed 'til dry
I took a little more 'til I got taken for granted
'cause beautiful boys gave chase
And when they arch your backbone
It's such a dreadful sight
Something's got to break you down
I'll react when faces find you
With jealous fits that gag and bind you
'cause nothing hurts like nothing at all
When imagination takes full control
I saw the scene unfold -
Just saw a commercial about Garth Brooks, the lamest country singer ever...
The said, "the worlds one and only Garth Brooks!"
i said, "Thank God!"
I dont like country music, and i dont like politicians, and i dont like zoo's
I really like skateboarding, and Muse, and God, and the Bible.
I like the Bible a lot...
Please someone ask me why i hate zoo's...
*Edit*
I hate zoos because they take animals from their natural habitat, and sure they take them and place them in a new one that is very similar to their natural one but they take them and put them in a cage to make money off of them. Then you see on the news stories about wild animals attacking humans. Then they end the program with, "So they had the animal put down, shot, whatever. This is very stupid; we take the animal from the wild and expect it not to be wild. Like they should know better, like they should say to themselves, "Ok i'm a wild animal but now that i live in a zoo i cant attack anyone or kill anything." This goes for any of those people who go out and train the animals for little tricks and stuff and then they turn and hurt someone. Who's fault is it, the person who is now mangled or the wild animal. Well, now you know my worthless opinion.
God made the animals strong and wild so leave em in the wild.
Friday, 01 February 2008
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I really want mexican food. I was supposed to go for lunch.
I didnt...
Unintended choice to live my life extended
what is it i spend the hours thinking about.
While i am working i tend to get distracted. I've been on youtube looking at previews for Sweeny Todd. Johnny looks like he did a great job as usual. But i think i like Helena Carter better in this one, she is so interesting -i love it. Still have yet to see it.
If i end up getting my head focused again i should be able to get most of this stuff done today. I should be able to turn it all in tomorrow. I love the Bible, but studying it with the rest of my life is gladly not what i feel called to do.
Sometimes i just look at the past... i think that i have grown up to fast.
Sometimes i look at the future... and in optimism i think its just to good to last. But my brain often sees things literal and reality makes me remember that oh, its only going to get better. This is true, and at ties all i have to hold on to. But life... its the only one i get. What does that mean? Shouldnt i be living more? I dont mean at the moment, i live well, and i am applying my mind to something that is going to be almost priceless latter. But when i'm done here where will i go? Will i live? Will i die? Will i die to flesh and live on spiritually? Will i live on in the flesh and die spiritually? I am confident in in m walk right now, God is doing very huge things in my heart, in the very bottom too. Where everything just boils upward and i love it. But i have decisions to make. In my heart i have made the decision.
i will soon speak of it...
Tuesday, 29 January 2008
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“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; because there is not effort without error and shortcomings; but who does actually strive to do the deed; who knows the great enthusiasm, the great devotion, who spends himself in a worthy cause, who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement and who at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly. So that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.” - Theodore Roosevelt
Reminds me of some of these prophets. Some of them were so great. They had a calling and the were rarely ever successful in human standards and their life was painful and they were rarely ever listened to by any one. But they had a calling and they did what God asked of them because it was their calling. That's Life, Gods calling on my life doesn't mean people will listen to me all the time, or ever. It doesn't mean i will be successful money-wise, or possession-wise but that's not Gods idea of success. The kind of success i will find in God is becoming the least and death. I like Theodore. It makes since with all this.
followthesaviour
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- Name: Jesse
- Country: United States
- Metro: Los Angeles
- Member Since: 7/9/2005
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About Jesse
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Me? So so much has changed since the last time i updated this. I don't think i, Jesse have changed much on the outside. Still goofy, same old, often rude, pick my nose Jesse. But if your one of the few that knows the me beneath the all of my walls then you know i have changed or will be happy to hear that God is changing me. I fell, it happens, but i was bitter at God and i tried to find an other way. But over the last year i've learned again that there is only one way that will work for me, and that is Gods way. I've learned to Love God and to trust him again, and i love him and trust him more then ever. I am not always who i want to be. I have failed and failed again. I have a lot of regret but i have been made new. It comforts me that there are others like me. Others who screw up and chose to acknowledge it. God is good, his Love is powerful.
Pulse
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AGH, homework... i love it :) this is my happy face
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Jesus wins
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